Johannesburg - Do they have elephants where you come from? Do you have lions?
You’ve heard the question before, either directly or apocryphally. It’s normally attributed to Americans. And no, we don’t. Our cities look just like yours, and our animals are in game parks.
Except that’s not actually true.
Sitting on The View, looking out across a vista of tree tops, as you sip your sundowner, with Rosebank in the middle distance, your eye is caught by a building in the foreground. It’s the elephant house of the Joburg Zoo.
Staff tell you that they hear the lions roar at 6am sometimes, when it’s feeding time at the zoo.
Welcome to the Four Seasons, The Westcliff, in the middle of Joburg, which all of a sudden is no longer the concrete jungle of snarled traffic along the M1 and other sclerotic arterial routes in and out of the city, but the largest urban forest in the world with its 10 million trees; no longer urban legend, but rather legend come to life.
The Westcliff is itself a legend, a luxury condominium development that went bust over 20 years ago, only to be rescued by the luxury hotel group Orient Express, who saw the potential for a boutique hotel, birthing The Westcliff.
With its serried terraces, The Westcliff was a much storied hotel – a landmark; an institution with the same name recognition as perhaps the Beverley Hills hotel in Los Angeles with its pink paint, or even the Mount Nelson with both pink paint and chalet type accommodation.
But then, the Four Seasons, a Canadian company with an iconic stable of hotels across the world, came to the party, and bought the Westcliff for an undisclosed amount, closing it down for two years as it promptly splashed an eye-watering $65-million (R997m) on gutting the rooms, refurbishing the establishment from top to bottom and introducing a bespoke spa and a deli, not just for the hotel guests but for the residents of the eponymous suburb, and the neighbouring parks.
Today, the hotel is a different colour, with each different wing renamed after a distinctive part of Johannesburg; from Maboneng to Melville – with a nod to Kimberley, the diamond capital.
There’s a rooftop bar leading off from Flames, the braai restaurant, while above it is The View, an epicurean delight with an even better view, served by the bar that was once the hub of the old hotel’s Polo lounge.
You still need a golf cart to wind up the steep narrow driveways to get to your room, one of the mix of 117 that includes suites, or you can use the new gold mine-inspired glass enclosed lift that takes you all the way up to the top of The Westcliff.
Or you can wander all the way down to the spa, stopping off at a series of bars, including the full service bar at the unique roof-top Apres Spa, complete with sunbeds under umbrellas, as the cicadas compete with the weird wave like sounds of Jan Smuts Avenue and the M1 on the opposite ridge as it weaves down through Parktown Ridge towards the Wanderers and off north to Pretoria.
Below the spa bar, built on what was the old hotel’s tennis court, lies the nine-treatment destination spa itself with a 25-metre lap pool and built in Jacuzzi nooks and the deli itself. Both of these have their own off-street entrances and parking.
The spa is an essential part of the experience. As the experienced masseuses work the kinks and the stresses out of your body with a deep-tissue massage, it’s off to the change room for a steam or a sauna or both, interspersed with generous handfuls of ice to rub yourself down with.
Refreshed, cleansed and ready. There’s time to get to the bar of your choice to watch the sun set. It doesn’t matter which one, the view is incredible from all of them, it’s just the perspective that changes.
You don’t have to dress for dinner – that’s not the Four Seasons way. But it almost feels as if you’re letting chef Dirk Gieselmann down, when he comes out to greet you by name.
As night descends, the green of the urban forest is transformed by the neon blue of the Hillbrow tower peeking out behind the Parktown Ridge.
Below, on the Flames deck, Joburg’s hip and happening crowd mingle with the overseas guests who have checked in for their stay.
Suddenly, the marketing hype makes sense. This is not a hotel; it’s an urban resort. The hustle and bustle of Africa’s most vibrant city is light years away as you nestle inside this incredible bubble of luxury and tranquillity.
And if you don’t get there for leisure, maybe you’ll crack the nod for a company bosberaad or a wedding at the Jacaranda Garden conference centre right next door to the hotel – or find yourself attending a chef tasting or a product launch at the Cellar Door beneath Flames.
One thing’s for sure, The Westcliff is still exclusive, but it’s no longer intimidatingly exclusionary as it once was.
Kevin Ritchie, Saturday Star