Why discussing finances is crucial before saying 'I do'

Engagements are often filled with excitement, wedding plans and big dreams for the future. But for many couples, one of the most important conversations is also the easiest to avoid: money.

A 2024 Couples & Money Study found more than 1 in 4 couples say money is their greatest relationship challenge, highlighting that the real issue is not always financial complexity, but a lack of shared understanding and structure.

Couples preparing for marriage ofte,n discover that they bring very different financial habits into the relationship, shaped by their past experiences and beliefs.

One partner may be disciplined and cautious, finding comfort and security in structure, budgeting, and planning. The other may enjoy spending money more freely, seeing it as something to earn, enjoy, and use to make the most of life. Neither approach is wrong, but those differences need to be understood.

I recently worked with a couple who were planning to get married and were beginning to combine their finances. While both were committed to building a future together, their contrasting money habits created uncertainty beneath the surface. The cautious partner worried about security and long‑term stability, while the more spontaneous partner felt uneasy about how their spending preferences and personal financial history might be judged.

Research published on financial conflict in relationships shows that couples who make financial decisions together tend to experience fewer financial problems, reinforcing that alignment matters more than the structure itself.

The issue wasn’t affordability or income. It was about trust. Money is rarely just about numbers; it’s tied to security, independence, and vulnerability. If those underlying beliefs aren’t acknowledged, finances can quickly become emotionally charged.

Rather than starting with spreadsheets or rules, the focus was on creating a safe, non-judgmental space for honest conversation. Don't position financial planning as a test of discipline, but as a shared journey, one where both perspectives have value. When people feel judged, they shut down.

But when the conversation shifts to curiosity and partnership, couples start seeing money as something they can work on together, rather than something that divides them. Once that foundation was in place, practical decisions became easier.

The couple explored how they wanted to structure their marriage financially, balancing the need to protect what each partner brought into the relationship with the intention to build wealth together. They also developed a shared approach to household expenses that reflected their respective incomes, while still allowing room for personal freedom.

This meant the disciplined partner could continue saving and investing in a structured way, while the partner who enjoyed spending could retain flexibility to spend on personal priorities, without either feeling restricted or resentful.

The biggest shift, however, had little to do with money mechanics. What couples often walk away with isn’t just a better financial plan. They gain trust, alignment, and a sense of teamwork. That ability to work together underpins financial resilience and strengthens the relationship itself.

For couples preparing for marriage, my advice is simple but often overlooked: start these conversations early. Working with a certified financial planner helps facilitate this by creating a safe space and structure to align individual financial habits with shared life goals.

People put enormous energy into planning the wedding day, but far less into planning the financial life that follows. Be open, be vulnerable, and start with the life you want to build together. When money decisions support that shared vision, they stop being a source of stress and become a tool for connection.

* Chennells is a certified financial planner at BDO Wealth.

PERSONAL FINANCE