Words on Wealth: Guidance for young couples seeking financial stability

To mark Valentine’s Day, let’s look at how young couples can avoid the conflicts and heartbreak that money can cause in a relationship, and build a life together on a strong financial foundation.

My common-sense musings below, peppered with the odd quotes, may sadly be beyond the scope of the many South African households for whom each day is a struggle to survive. But if you and your partner are fortunate enough to be employed in jobs that provide a fair, steady income, these are the things you need to bear in mind to ensure financial stability. There are other things, such as making sure you have appropriate insurance policies and a will – my guidelines are more about adopting the right financial mindset, which will serve you well for the rest of your lives.

Don’t measure success in the wrong way

Outward trappings of “success” such as designer outfits and fancy cars may impress your friends, but are likely to make you poorer. If you are subverting your financial priorities in trying to show the world that you have “made it” in life, you are fooling no one, least of all your bank manager. One of my favourite quotes comes from the American actress Helen Hayes: “My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.”

Beware of lifestyle creep

This is when, with each pay rise or promotion, you spend the extra income on “upgrading” your lifestyle materially, and you never reach the point when that money can go towards building your wealth. While not denying yourself life’s added pleasures that come with earning more, ensure they don’t come at the expense of wealth-building assets such as property and long-term investments. 

Don’t spend money you haven’t earned

Debt is the biggest source of financial distress and marital strife. Know the difference between good debt (on appreciating assets, such as property) and bad debt (on depreciating assets, such as food, clothes, lounge suites and SUVs), and use the latter as sparingly as possible. Sadly, many couples are using debt to cover their everyday living expenses, and their debt levels are reaching alarming proportions. In commenting on the finding of the DebtBusters 2025 Q4 Debt Index, DebtBusters CEO Benay Sager says that, on average, consumers applying for debt counselling were using 71% of their take-home pay to service their debt – “the highest level we’ve seen since 2017”. “A record 96% of these consumers had a personal loan, and 59% a one-month payday loan – another record,” Sager says.

Be honest with your partner about money

After debt, hiding financial transactions from a partner is a major source of strife and unhappiness. Be open with each other about what you are spending and what debts you incur. If you are in financial trouble, it’s best to tackle the problem together. The following quote from American comedian Steve Harvey says all you need to know about money and love: "All I knew growing up was that my father was married to and loved my momma, period. He worked hard, made some money, and put it on the dresser. She spent it on the family, and he went out and earned some more. He taught me the most about love."

Addictions are ruinous for relationships

Addictions come in many forms, and the latest one to decimate households is online sports betting and gambling. Frightening statistics from recent news reports show that gamblers are diverting money for essentials such as groceries to feed their gambling addiction. If doing something, such as shopping or gambling, or consuming something, such as alcohol, becomes an addiction and you feel you cannot stop on your own, you need to seek professional help. Your relationship, finances and health are all at risk.

Save at least 15%

If you are earning a salary, you are likely contributing to a retirement fund, and your employer may be contributing further to your retirement savings. If you can, ensure that you and your partner are contributing at least 15% of your gross income (income before deductions) to your combined long-term savings, either by upping your retirement fund contributions or saving separately in an appropriate investment. 

Have an emergency fund

Apart from your retirement savings, build up in a separate, accessible savings account an amount equal to at least three months’ household expenses. Having this buffer should there be an unexpected large expense or if one of you is retrenched, offers amazing peace of mind. American financial guru Suze Orman has this to say: “Not having that safety net adds unnecessary stress to your life. Without an emergency cushion, there's always that nagging worry about what you’ll do when life throws a curveball.”

 Love giving

Giving – not just materially, but of your time and effort – will reward you in ways that the Gordon Geckos of this world will never understand. (Gecko was the central character in Oliver Stone’s film Wall Street, who lived by the maxim “Greed is good”.) My final quote is by Winston Churchill: “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

* Hesse is the former editor of Personal Finance.

PERSONAL FINANCE