In a revealing discussion on the “Relebogile Mabotja” podcast, veteran South African actor Sello Maake KaNcube delved into his personal life, professional journey and pressing societal issues surrounding gender-based violence.
The “Blood & Water” actor brought honesty and introspection to the forefront, shedding light on challenges faced by both himself and the wider acting community.
As the conversation unfolded, the actor shared his thoughts on the current generation of black actors, emphasising their lack of experiences compared to veterans.
“I’m speaking about black actors who come after me, there’s a lot they haven’t experienced. The weirdest thing for me is black actors who come out of institutions like WITS, UCT, and when they perform, it’s like Gibson.
“Gibson Kente’s acting is over animated, bordering on melodramatic ... I think there are only two types of acting, good and bad.”
Further along the actor cleared up rumours about his messy split from Pearl Mbewe.
“I think that women have got amazing power. Women lead, they give you permission to come and talk to them ... even with me putting myself on social me and being vocal, it had to do with the power of my woman,” he said.
On balancing their personal and professional life, he said: “I’ve asked my wife to write a book and I’ve given her the title, ‘Marriage Pty (Ltd)’.
“Marriage is a contract, relationships are a contract. My wife and I talk about a thing called code red and code blue, and the thing about it is that how do you recognise each others strengths.
“I think a perfect example would have been Shona and Connie Ferguson. ”
Later, the stage and TV actor shared a story and how he managed to turn his life around.
“I regard 2024 as the 40th anniversary of my journey to becoming the man I am today. At 24, I discovered that I have a propensity to beat up my girlfriend ... One thing that moved me was listening to Clement Manyathela’s show one time, he was interviewing senior citizens, and during that interview an 80+ lady spoke about how she lived through gender-based violence.
“I think that the one thing we are scared to face is that GBV has been prevalent may be from the early 19th century if not more.”
He said that growing up he was exposed to it.
“It’s not only happening in my family, it’s happening in many families. So we are not addressing GBV as it’s happening.
“We lump it up together. When somebody goes and rapes and kills it’s GBV but we’ve got to separate it. There is GBV or domestic violence, there is a difference and we are not addressing those.
Sharing more about his story on why he became abusive, he said: “In life, everybody has a reason for doing what they do, and it will never be a blanket reason. When I was alone, then there was that little voice that said ‘she’s disrespectful’.
“That voice became more sonorous and led me to the point where I would say to her ‘I don’t understand this. One moment I say I love you, and the next I hate you. It doesn’t make sense to me’.
“That caused me to do an introspection, that’s when I said, nobody makes me do something that I don’t want.
“I discovered that I am insecure, I’m jealous, and I have a stutter so I would struggle to talk, then that’s when I will lash out ... Most of the time it was because of the stutter.
He said that he had eventually learned to walk away when he got angry and return to his girlfriend the next day to talk through their problem.
“It was in 1984, it was not even fashionable to discuss gender or domestic violence and I confronted that. I did what I later found to be called ‘timeout’.
Watch the full interview below.